


Come What May

by planet_plantagenet



Category: Twelfth Night - Shakespeare
Genre: M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 09:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7527967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planet_plantagenet/pseuds/planet_plantagenet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But, come what may, I do adore thee so,<br/>That danger shall seem sport, and I will go."</p>
<p>Antonio talks with Sebastian, after his marriage to Olivia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come What May

“I hear you married Olivia.”

The words tumbled out of my mouth; I’d only half-meant to say them. Sebastian started, whirled around. His face relaxed slightly when he recognized me, but his eyebrows were narrowed. In apprehension? Annoyance? I couldn’t tell, but the expression made my stomach churn.

“Antonio,” he said quietly.

“Sebastian,” I replied.

We were two meters away from each other—standing and talking at the distance that strangers do. Sebastian had long-since abandoned his task of picking apples in the empty orchard.

He took a deep breath. “Yeah. I married Olivia.”

“She seems nice enough.” I kept my face neutral.

“She is.” Sebastian swallowed, his gaze surveying me but not quite meeting my eyes. “Uh. What’s up with you? You’re not in trouble with Orsino anymore, are you?”

“Not anymore, thanks to your sister.”

He nodded absentmindedly, not speaking. We were almost formal now, acting as if we didn’t know exactly what the other was thinking. My body was tense—I was unsure of what I wanted to do. Slap Sebastian? Kiss him? Run away and cry my eyes out? All three seemed pretty good right now.

“So….” Sebastian cleared his throat. “Are you, uh, still in love with me?”

The question caught me off-guard, and my wall of faux objectivity came crashing down. I took a step closer. “Oh, Sebastian. You don’t even know.”

Sebastian smiled, an expression of pity. His smiles were so beautiful. “Antonio… I like you, I really do. As a friend. But I’ve told you before. You’re gay. I’m straight. It can’t work out.”

I took a shaky breath, stepped forward again. “Yeah. I know that. It’s just….” I let the sentence complete itself.  _ I’m caught up in the irrational hope that you will someday love me back. _

But was that hope so irrational? I’d studied Sebastian’s every move, praying for a sign that he returned the affection I felt for him. He’d been so kind to me—never once been angry or mean-spirited. But even so, his emotions were so difficult to decipher. Did he really feel something for me? Or had I just invented that in an attempt to ward off the loneliness and despair of unrequited love?

“And besides,” Sebastian continued, chuckling slightly, “I’m married.”

Olivia. For a second I’d forgot about her. “To a woman you’ve known for a day.”

The instant I said it, I wished I could take it back. Sebastian’s eyes narrowed.

“Two days, actually. But I love her. Don’t suppose you would understand that, huh?”

I felt anger and distress rush through me at Sebastian’s attack on my sexuality. It was out of character. Perhaps he was stressed, or annoyed for some reason? I bit back a retort, managed to keep my voice steady. “Two days. Exactly. But we’ve known each other for so much longer.”

Sebastian threw up his hands. “What, can’t you take ‘no’ for an answer?”

I continued, heartbeat quickening. “Think about it, Sebastian. Please, just think. Olivia is in love with Viola. Not you. And someday she’s gonna realize that you are not your sister.”

He took a deep breath. “Look. Antonio. I’m sorry, truly. But it just doesn’t work that way.”

“Why the hell would you marry someone you’ve only known for two days??”

“I love Olivia, and she loves me. That’s that!”

I took another step towards Sebastian. We were now only arm’s distance away. “I honestly don’t think love can develop in such a short time. Infatuation, maybe. But that’ll fade!”

“Are you saying that you know my feelings better than I do?” Sebastian’s voice was dangerously low.

“I—no! Of course not! Just don’t make rash decisions!”

“Rash decisions!” Sebastian let out a laugh that contained no humor. “Who are you to lecture me on rash decisions, Antonio?? You’re the one who decided to follow me into Orsino’s court, even when you knew it would be dangerous!”

“Because I love you!” I cried.

“Exactly! People will go to great lengths for love—marrying the person they care for is the least rash of them all!”

“I’m just asking you to think—”

“I’ve done enough goddamn thinking!!” Sebastian yelled. He stepped forward, grabbing my upper arms so we were face-to-face. I shuddered at the sudden contact. “I’m not in love with you, Antonio!”

“I….” My voice cracked, and I shook my head mutely. I could feel a stinging behind my eyes. Dammit. I couldn’t cry. Not here. Not in front of Sebastian. I tried again. “I… I know that. Just… you don’t know what it’s like, to be completely and totally in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.” I swallowed. “Who could never love you back.”

Sebastian’s expression was unreadable. I continued, avoiding his eyes. “And then… to lose that person to someone who doesn’t love them. I mean… I can’t tell Olivia’s feelings for sure. Or yours. And believe me… if you were truly in love with her, I’d be happy for you. Sad, too, yes. But… I just… I just want you to be happy.”

Sebastian must have noticed the tears welling in my eyes, because his grip on my arms softened.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed. “Love is… confusing.”

I let out a weak laugh. “You can say that again.”

We were so close together. I could feel Sebastian’s breath on my face. What if… what if I were to lean forward and kiss him? I wanted to do it, so much. How would he react…?

Then suddenly, unexpectedly,  _ he _ kissed  _ me _ .

“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” he whispered, grinning.

Instead of answering, I kissed him back, with all the passion that I’d been keeping bottled up inside me for such a long time. I didn’t stop to think about why he had kissed me in the first place, just held on to those few amazing seconds. Then Sebastian pulled me away, and it was over.

“Wait just a second there,” he said, a smile playing across his lips. “I’m not saying I’m in love with you. I’m just saying… I’ll think about it, okay? What you said. I’ll talk with Olivia.”

“Thank you,” was all I could manage. My arms were still around Sebastian’s neck, and I wanted so badly to kiss him again. But I knew he wouldn’t let me.

Sebastian stepped away, and we were no longer touching. “You’re an interesting person, Antonio.”

“Oh?”

“You’ve made me change my perspective many times in the past few days. Thanks, I guess.”

I grinned, an expression hardly big enough to contain my joy. “You’re welcome, Sebastian.”

He smiled back. “See you around, Antonio.”


End file.
